You’ve done it! You’ve escaped a nasty, grasping, unpleasant cult and have made your way to the broad, sunlit uplands of the real world. Like the people trapped in Plato’s cave, it will take you a while to adjust to your new situation. Now and then, the temptation is always there to return to the warm, familiar embrace of the sect with its routine and its social networks, but the stronger part of you realises that all of that was illusory and that it is time to begin anew. Here are things you should consider as part of your healing journey. In this post I will share with you things that helped me as I embarked on my own journey to emancipation from totalitarianism.
Sleep
The first thing you will notice is you have a lot of free time. That free time is there for you to rebuild and recover. For starters, it may be a good idea to do nothing but sleep. Cults overwork their members and deprive them of much needed rest. Simply catching up on some much-needed repose will do your mind a world of good, and will allow you to better process the horrific experience.
Anger
In the days after leaving the cult, I tried to distract myself with work and reading, but I found this difficult to do. I would keep having intrusive thoughts about the cult. I would think obsessively about my experience and feel the anger and hurt washing over me. I actually believe it is healthy to allow yourself to feel this way. You have been violated by a disgusting organisation that took your time, money and energy and completely degraded and humiliated you. You are justified in feeling anger and bitterness towards people who behaved in a predatory manner towards you and groomed you into committing repugnant acts.
Writing about my experience has helped. I have been writing almost constantly since leaving the organisation. I started by writing word documents for no one’s eyes but my own, in which I detailed what I still believed and what I no longer bought into concerning the group’s ideology. Later on I created this blog, which has been the main deposit for all of my writing about my experiences in this evil sect. I encourage ex-members to write about their experiences. There are all sorts of reasons why ex-members feel reticent to talk publicly, but you can write purely for yourself and not for anyone else’s eyes. This should be a useful way of processing the horrific experience of being part of such a sinister enterprise.
Reading
The cult gave us a list of ‘acceptable’ books to read, all texts published by Wellred. You have the chance to break free from this endless cycle of indoctrination and read things that the organisation does not allow you to. A good place to start would be anti-cult literature. I highly recommend the works of people such as Dennis Tourish, Steven Hassan, Janja Lalich, Robert Jay Lifton and many others on thought reform, mind control and cultic indoctrination. I found them to be very useful for analysing what I went through in the IMT.
In addition to this, I read a lot of books about the Russian Revolution, the Soviet Union and communist ideology from a more critical perspective. Particularly interesting to read were Paul Avrich’s book on Kronstadt, Israel Getzler’s biography of Martov, Samuel Farber’s Before Stalinism, Stephen Kotkin’s biography of Stalin and his book Armageddon Averted, which was all about the collapse of the USSR, Christopher Read’s biography of Lenin, Orlando Figes’ A People’s Tragedy (especially because Alan Woods has rubbished the book publicly), Michael Crick’s book on Militant, and so many others.
Besides a greater variety of non-fiction, I have also been able to properly explore literature for the first time in years. I have discovered the joy of reading Dostoevsky, Thomas Hardy, Tolstoy, James Joyce and so many other great writers. Some time ago I got sick of reading about communism and decided I wanted to return to the long-neglected field of fictional writing, and give it more of a place in my life. I am happy to say that the lion’s share of books I have read in the past year have been works of literary fiction rather than academic texts on history and politics, and I believe I am much the better for it. It has been a real balm to my soul.
Music
Music was immensely helpful to me both during and after my membership of the IMT. When I was a member, I would tune out of the madness of sect membership by spending hours listening to my favourite 60s artists – Jim Reeves, Eddy Arnold, Johnny Cash, Robert Goulet, Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Andy Williams, Tony Bennett and so many others. I cannot overstate the therapeutic power of good music. I discovered so much new music whilst I was at university, and a new world of artistic expression was open to me. My sufferings at the hands of this disgusting organisation helped inspire me to consider becoming a professional singer, an aspiration I am still working on. Though I have no sympathy with the contemporary popular music that is in vogue today, the classical scene would appear very compatible with my particular vocal style. I spent more time as a cult member listening to ‘reactionary’ music of the middle-class, adult America of the 1950s and 60s than I did listening to idiotic socialist hymns like ‘Solidarity Forever’ (Christ I hate that song), and that is telling. I am convinced that I must have been a romantic crooner in another life – or even a country singer. Certainly that mould fits me much better than that of ranting, paper-selling socialist revolutionary. I have more in common with Hank Williams than I do with Leon Trotsky. During my Master’s, I discovered more glorious country music. I became a massive fan of singers like Ray Price, Loretta Lynn, Dottie West and Jim Ed Brown. I am very proud of my conservative music tastes, and I have leaned even more into music since leaving the cult. With all the free time I have, I can spend hours listening to the velvet voice of Al Martino, Jerry Vale, Matt Monro, Jim Nabors, Ed Ames, Val Doonican, Des O’Connor and countless others. It is truly wonderful stuff, the kind of music to make you forget all fantasies of socialist revolution and imagine yourself in the arms of your loved one for all time.
I have also discovered classical music in a big way. I have always loved classical music, but I am only now becoming a true connoisseur. In the last year, I have discovered the magic of Mahler, whose music has taken up a large space in my life. I can spend hours listening to Thomas Hampson, Hermann Prey or Bryn Terfel’s interpretations of his beautiful lieder, or be starstruck yet again by the epic nature of the Third Symphony. I have taken time to go and attend live performances of his spellbinding work – time I might well have wasted on cult activity. I have discovered a whole new corner of YouTube dedicated to classical music – mainly the excellent music criticism of David Hurwitz, editor of ClassicsToday.org, whose channel I have started to watch religiously. Besides Mahler, I have also delved deep into the works of Beethoven, Sibelius, Bruckner, Wagner, Tchaikovsky, Shostakovich, Elgar, Vaughan Williams, Mozart, Haydn and Brahms. I truly believe that this music represents, in part, the pinnacle of all that humanity has achieved artistically. I spend an hour a week with a singing teacher who has been a new source of inspiration for me and with whose help I hope to beat a path to a career as an operatic bass-baritone. Through him I have discovered the magic of Schubert’s Winterreise and Vaughan Williams’ Songs of Travel, and there is so much more that remains to be discovered! Learning to read music is among the many skills I have been helped to pick up – something that is a massive boost for one’s self-esteem, I must say.
For those who leave the organisation, I cannot recommend more the use of music for helping you in your spiritual recovery from the psychological abuse of an organisation which has spent so much time making you feel bad for your idiosyncracies. Now is the time to embrace your weirdness and fight the conformist ethos of the cult with all of your might – with the help of great music, whatever genre you prefer.
YouTube
Instead of spending hours watching ‘lead-offs’ by the talking heads of this ridiculous sect, why not try watching wholesome content that will be genuinely educational? I have already made a post promoting anti-cult YouTubers that I think are doing a good job of helping former members of these destructive organisations and shining a light on the abuses that occur within.
Besides anti-cult education, there are loads of wonderful YouTube channels out there dedicated to all sorts of different topics of interest. For me, there have been dozens of such channels. Dave Hurwitz’s channel is merely one example. A big interest of mine is men’s fashion. Before I arrived at university, I discovered this wonderful channel called Gentleman’s Gazette on YouTube, run by Sven Raphael Schneider, a German-American businessman and men’s style expert who also runs a website and a company, Fort Belvedere, that sells pricey but high-quality menswear. More recently, I have also spent a lot of time watching this wonderful Welshman called Ash Jones (a Welshman who speaks sense, what a change!) of The Chap’s Guide channel, who also has lots of wonderful menswear expertise, especially about shoes. He has inspired me to spend an awful lot of money in the last few months upgrading my footwear. Unfortunately I may have developed a bit of an addiction to expensive formal shoes and suits. Oh well.
Another such channel is run by a young man named Benjamin Mcevoy, who I discovered last summer. He is a literature buff like myself, and has helped introduce thousands of people on the Internet to the classics. I am a proud, paying member of his Patreon group. It’s a wonderful community of people cutting across the demographic divide, and united by our love of great literary fiction and non-fiction. I encourage anyone reading this with an interest in literature to join us!
Travel
Recently I spent a (very expensive) week in Paris, all on my own, as an extended holiday to mark the dying days of summer. It is the first time I have gone abroad since I went to Italy with the IMT for its World School in 2019. I couldn’t have that as my only extended period of time in a foreign country, and so I took the opportunity to visit the country whose language I’ve been learning for the past two years and see the sites for myself. I had a very good time, and my French stood me in very good stead. It was very good for my personal growth and well-being and a great way of leaving behind the painful old memories of life in a cult. And despite all of the left-wing graffiti, posters and protesters everywhere (especially in the very working-class neighbourhood of Charonne where I chose to stay), I am happy to say that I did not see a single IMT member, poster or banner for miles around. (There are already a couple of prominent Trotskyist groups in France, including one which regularly runs candidates in presidential elections and garners roughly 10% of the vote – the competition is presumably too tough.) I deliberately chose to stay there from 23-30th of August, precisely because the IMT World School of 2019 took place from the 23rd-30th of July. I think on some level I wanted to efface the memory of that pseudo-holiday by picking the exact same dates four years and one month on. In hindsight, this may have been a mistake, as I had to pay for two weekly passes for the public transport due to arriving in the country mid-week, but I value the small psychological ‘victory’ inherent in the choosing of these dates.
Travelling and exposing yourself to different people, a different culture, a different language and a different scenery is a great way of combating the psychological stultification promoted by cults. The ‘guided holiday’ of the World School was nothing like being able to roam across the length and breadth of Paris all by myself. Speaking of which, I think I would like to visit the lovely town of Bardonecchia again, but on my own this time, and preferably not when the IMT World Congress is taking place there.
Social Life
The social world of the IMT resembles that of a clique of high school bullies than that of a serious political organisation. This is probably inevitable given the fact that (a) the organisation is a cult which encourages ostracism, backbiting, gossip and slander within its ranks to bring about conformity and force out unwelcome elements and (b) the organisation actively seeks to recruit people who are very young, immature and generally unpleasant and nasty already by virtue of being barely out of high school anyway. Certainly for me it felt like those bad old days had returned when I found myself in the thick of all of this nonsense when I was a member.
Leaving the cult is a wonderful opportunity to meet people who aren’t cult members, who you actually have something in common with and who can actually bring good into your life. That has certainly been the case for me, and I hope it is the case with you!
Conclusion
A life lived in freedom is a gift! Use it wisely, and enjoy it!
