For the past few weeks I have been listening obsessively to Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra and other favourites, jiving to ‘Old Devil Moon’ and ‘The Best Is Yet To Come’ with an exuberance that I have not felt for a long time. Music is doing for me what Marxist ideology never could. It enlivens me with positive energy and a joyful attitude towards the world. Marxism filled me with hatred and dogma, and caused me to look upon this world as something to be destroyed in the name of an illusory better one. Music took me out of that mood and made me more introspective, less certain of the false certainties I was indoctrinated into believing when I was a member of the group.
There is a reason why there was no Soviet equivalent of Frank Sinatra or Tony Bennett. The USSR was a cultural desert during the 20th century. It has left behind almost nothing of importance. This alone proves the superiority of Western liberal-democratic capitalism over the so-called workers’ state.
Perhaps if it were not for the strong depression the IMT plunged me into, I would not have discovered all of this wonderful music from the mid-twentieth century, and all of these wonderful singers – Jim Nabors, Robert Goulet, Tony Bennett – who have so enriched my life. Perhaps I would not have become so determined to become a singer. The heartbreak could be turned to something meaningful. When I was alone in my room, songs and singers were my only friends. As the lyrics of Without a Song go, ‘When things go wrong/A main ain’t got a friend/Without a song.’
I am very grateful for what music has done for my life. As Tony Bennett sings in I’ll Begin Again:
I will start anew
I will make amends
And I will make quite certain
That the story ends
On a note of hope
On a strong amen
And I’ll thank the world
And remember when
I was able to begin
Again