Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce the founding of the Reactionary Crusaders International. Our organisation alone maintains the ‘unbroken thread’ from the original Crusaders – Pope Urban, Raymond of Saint-Gilles, Godfrey of Bouillon, Bohemond of Otranto, and Robert of Flanders. Our mission is to create a cadre organisation of elite Crusaders who will lead the forces of Christendom in the battles that are to come. In the long-term, we envision that the movement of God will drive millions of ordinary people into our ranks, and then and only then will we be able to take back our countries from the anti-Christ, and make war on the infidels who have conquered the holy lands from which the early followers of Christ hailed. At our coming international congress, we will elect a Grand Master and a ‘Grand Master’s Council’ that will run the organisation in between our world congresses. Moreover, we are to have national sections in each country where we have followers, organised around a newspaper carrying reports on the plight of Christians around the world. We will also carry articles on the mistakes made by past Crusades, in which the treacherous Laodicean leadership continuously threw away golden opportunities for the victory of the armies of Christ against infidels, demoralising God’s people by their countless betrayals. We look to the triumph of the Crusaders in 1099 when they seized Jerusalem – the greatest event in world history – for our inspiration. Then, for the first time, the people of God, without waiting for the heathen rulers of these lands to have a change of heart, took the Holy Land for Christendom, and began the work of building God’s kingdom.
Being good Christians, we do not set ourselves up as a separate organisation against the rest of the Christian movement, but seek to participate in it, to lead it and inspire it. It is in this spirit that we call on all Crusaders to enter into their local churches and carry the Crusading spirit into these places, where Laodiceanism, ecumenism and latitudinarianism are the order of the day. There, we will raise the slogan of ‘All power to Christ and his flock!’, ‘Make war on the infidel!’, ‘Take back the Holy Land!’, and other rousing sentiments of that sort so as to gather the Christian masses around our platform – the takeover of the top 200-300 richest churches, the use of their funds to build a multinational Crusader army to reimpose Christian government on our nations, and the invasion of the Middle East to restore Christian rule to its wayward, infidel people. We call upon our members to take every opportunity to sell the paper at local church services. If you attend a Pentecostal church that allows for ‘testimonials’ from individual members during a portion of the service, these are to be used to spread the doctrine of Crusading to one and all.
We are a democratic organisation. We do not use the bureaucratic tactics of Ultramontanism, Henricianism and Pentecostalism – we consider these damnable heresies totally against the spirit of Christian teaching. All that is required is loyalty to the decisions of the organisation once a vote has been taken.
Pessimists and unbelievers, people who have been ensnared by a satanic spirit of despair and defeatism, tell us that after almost 1000 years of failure, it is time to give up on crusading. They say that after almost 200 years of military expeditions in the Middle Ages, and the brief but all-too-secular experience of governing the holy lands after WWI under League of Nations mandates, it is time to give up on the spirit of the Crusades, and renounce it as a failed ideology. To which I say, what is 1000 years in the sight of God? Nothing but a blink of an eye, for God is eternal. What right do we have to give up after such a ridiculously short period of time? The objective movement of the Holy Spirit is firmly in the direction of a revival of Christendom. We must only have courage, and it will surely be achieved! The peoples of Christendom will regain their Crusading traditions, and millions will look to the Reactionary Crusaders International for guidance.
Forward to the triumph of the Crusading counter-revolution!
have you gone insane
It’s called satire.